Did i do the right thing? Or was it another stupid implusive action? Or maybe the fault of someone else? Or maybe it is truly my fault and i should take responsibility?

Theres a safety wall i cant breach. A wave of water that should break apart but never did. So now im caught wave. Crashing me onto the beach. The pain is there but it doesnt register in my mind. I begin whacking my head onto the beach. Somehow there is no pain. Nothing. Emptiness.

As i type this, i am blasting music. Let it drown me. Someone knock me out and let me go back to sleep. Wake up from this nightmare. Life seems like a piece of meat. Shredded. Broken into little pieces...

vous ne savez pas ce que je ferais juste pour vous atteindre...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

A wonderful and meaningful poem.

Today had NPCC(sea). We spent like 2 and a half hours just practising drills. Incredibly boring. Plus i had PE earlier in the day. So my legs are aching.
Listening to music right now. Burn by Planetshakers.
We had free yogurt today. An old ACS boy came by and gave the entire school free yogurt. From Germany. But there were no spoons so we ended upp eating it with our fingers. Somehow i got high on the yogurt. Went around singing the i am cow song. Quite fun :D.
Getting my tablet PC on monday(shoves that fact into brians face). So exicted.
CAnt bother to blog anything else. This is the longest post ive blogged in wekks so don't be too greedy.

Labels: poem

Don't really feel like blogging. You see, so much has happened and i can't really bother to write it down. So im just gonna put random quotes on my blog.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all--Unknown
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages--William H. Mauldin
Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night--Philip K. Dick
Don't put off tomorrow what you can avoid doing completely--Tan Aik Leng
If we all couldn't laugh, we would go insane--Jimmy Buffet
Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care--William Safire
Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality--Jules De Gaultier
Arithmetic is the ability to count to 20 without having to take off your shoes--Mickey Mouse
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice--Unknown

sometimes i dont know how to react. Suprised? Shocked? Happy? Sad? Angry? Grateful? emotions seem like a big mixed up cauldron.

savez-vous le sentiment de la solitude?

Its been a long time since i actually sat down and seriously blogged. Mostly juz me crapping.
Lifes been okay. But recently i realised alot of people are falling sick. At least people from school. 3 guys were sick today. One guy got sick in school and collapsed on the floor on the way to the sick bay(ouchies). Goodness knows what kinds of tricks the devils trying on us. But persevere. Yes! Ok. Kinda tired. WOuld write more but people are IMing me to sleep. Byes.

Nice song. Old but nice.
Who thinks life is screwy raise your hands.
I think so too.
Try having PE, 3 freaking tests in your weakest subjects, and a swimming meet on the same day.
Then, when your bored out of your mind, theres no one there to talk to.
Anyone who knows me well knows im a person that needs friends to survive
So where were you?

Well, so much can happen in one week, or 7 days, or 168 hours, or 10080 minutes, or 604800 seconds. It doesnt seem much but it is. in this week alone, ive succeded, ive failed, ive been uber high, ive been uber low, ive been truthful, ive been lying, ive been sweet, ive been insulting, friends have been faithful, friends have betrayed me. Life is a screwy thing and theres nothing we can do about it.

I have a stack of lame jokes i would say but im not in the mood.

School sucks. Homework sucks. What can i say?

On friday had cca. NPCC sea. so much i can say yet so little im bothering to type out.

Saturday was fun. Relatively. Dragged my SB's around.

I do was fun. Sorta. Left the house early with my sis to buy flowers from far east flora at macritche. bought 10 gerubas for $4. Very cheap. Then took a cab down to serene center. met joelle there. She is hopeless at geog. Had lunch. Went to church for the SP thingy. Gave the flowers. Sermon was good. Worship wasnt very. Drama sucked. Food was good. Had 5 plates. Good chocolate.

So here i am at home. Just dun feel like talking. Wanna sit down, listen to music and drift away from this screwy world we live in.

Doom and gloom surround me. Good advice flows from me but im not listening to any of it...

havent blogged in three days. Wanted to. Interesting stuff happens in school, i take a mental note of it and completely forget it when i get down to blogging. Ever had that happen to you?

happy birthday ezra!!! And Vincent too!!!

Yes, i used pink on purpose.

School is so boring. It sucks out your imagination. And if that isn't already bad enough, they also give you homework. Its the equvilent of bringing home school. The whole point of going home is to get a break from school. So whats the point? I guess thats how school is. Pointless.
Nowadays, i have cca on fridays. Its unfair. How can they take away my fridays? Its supposed to be the day before relaxation. Plus this friday it starts. This friday. Ezra's birthday movie friday. I'm annoyed, im tired, im sleepy and i have homework to do. But im slacking. I know im not supposed to, but i just cant bother. Slacking... procrastinating.....staying up late in the end...its the circle of school...

I need weekends to come earlier, school to start later, time at home to be longer...

PS. This just in. Grace: my name is jessica...im 16 years old and from rgs.

I ask myself that question. MAybe its becoz no one's answering smses, no one's on msn. I need to RANT i need to RAVE i need to SHOUT i need to SCREAM!!!!! But there's no one there for me...

My sister: the greatest backstabber in the history of mankind. She breaks your trust even before you give it to her. Deep down inside, theres a part of me that wants to forgive her. But somehow, i just aint feeling it. Deep down in another paart of me, i actually enjoy hating her. And that scares me. Theres a verse in the bible somewhere about love forgiving all things. Im trying to listen to the verse but its not working. Im so mixed up. There's a part of me high, a part of me low, a part of me stressed, a part of me lethargic, a part of me hating, a part of me loving. Another case of whats wrong wif me...

I have 3 sisters
thats plain for all to see
the youngest one is whiny
as loud as anything can be
the older one is psycho
she's very irritatably
everything pisses her off
thats unmistakably
the oldest one's a liar
the worst of them all
she says "im so sorry"
shes lying thats for sure
shes hiding a smirk
being a jerk
someone get me a knife
i need to stab something.....

Today is... eventful. Started out great, got worse, and worse, hit rock bottem, flew up sky high again, then smacked down even further than before. Pessimism is possesing my mind. Never thought death would be so close. To put in a simple analogy, i walked to a cliff, sat on the edge, thought about life, my oldest sister appeared, started cheering me up, offered me sweets and stuff, smsed people, mother started whacking me over, sister pulled me back up, then procceded to throw me back, only to jump after me along with 2 parachutes, gave me one. Only now i realise it has a huge hole...

Death opens its arms in a warm greeting...

Bout the earlier post, was feeling down, feel better now :).
Old fridge broke down some time ago. It was causing some problems. Whenever we turned it on, the power in our house was tripped. So we finally put to rest our dear fridge. One thats been with us for ten years. Yeah its old, but it has sentimental memories. Well, at least we got a cool new fridge. Arrived today. Looks cool too. Metallic looking. Really nice.

School was well weird. First was PE. Ran aroung the school for the 3rd time in a row. 3 km. Sprinting. Tough. Muscles hurt. But because our entire class sprinted we finished early and got a early recess.

After that was english. My actual english teacher has not been here for some time. He injured his leg and had to go for an operation. So we've been having a relief teacher. So, after recess, i was feeling tired, so i was in class, head on the table and sleeping. The teacher stepped in, the class was a mess, people out of their seats, people late. So the teacher was like ' i can't believe this but the quietest boy in the class is the boy whose sleeping' We got a big scolding actually. Sigh, need sleep. thank goodness its friday. church awaits.....

I don't know whats going on inside me. I feel tired even though i just took a nap. I feel hungry though i just ate. My mother is nagging my homework is waiting, my eyes are drooping WHATS GOING ON INSIDE ME???