its amazing how someone can be harping on how great life is and be weeping the next. its like life wasnt meant to be all nice or all bad but a good balance of both. Course, many people would say life seems more bad than good but that all depends on how you look at it.
I believe that every action can seem bad in one light and good in another. So that point-of-view facter comes into play again.

I'm confused all over again. No one seems to understand each other any more.

Spiraling...

overuse of the enter button...

Well, good to know through all these my friends will be there, my God will be there, my family will be there and my sense of humor will too XD

I'll always be there for you. Whether you like it or not.

penguiKnIGHT, signing off
poor enter key...XD

I'm going insane. The amount of sleep i get each day gets less and less. I only slept 3 hours last night. I need weekends. My mind still holds up against the pressure but my body is crashing and burning.

Oh God, give me strength.

I'm starting to believe i get stupider each day.
I failed my chinese paper. Screwed up horribly. Got 23/50. Wonderful innit. I didnt even study. Didnt care.
School starts. Doesnt feel any different. Except that now its called term 2. I follow the same schduele, procrastinate just as much, stone during lessons as always. Nothing new. Like the holidays didnt even exist.
I'm starting to feel worthless.
Why do people look at me for help when I'm just as clueless as they are. Maybe cause I'm the only one they trust. But maybe I've broken that trust. And they're purposely holding on to me as i fall so my destruction happens sooner.
Gideon means either great warrior or destroyer in hebrew. So, which am I?

Cell outing was F-U-N!!! Although it did make me very tired. Then again so did the NPCC camp. Quick rundown of the week
Monday: Went to NPCC camp. I was supposed to be there at 8am. I woke up at 7.30. Slept at 2am on Sunday. I hadnt packed my bag coz of my uber procrastinating skillz. Packed everything in half an hour and got my dad to send me there. Was late (duh) but survived.
First day of camp was fun. Played water polo. My team basically whupped the other team. Slept at 11.
Tuesday: Woke up at 2.30 to do sentry duty and finished at 3.30. Woke up again at 6. Had PT (physical training) then breakfast. Then the most BORING part of the day. DRILLS. Glad when it was over. Had lunch. Then MORE DRILLS. I was hating the NCO when i heard we were doing drills again. Very tiring. Every move you make must be at a certain speed. Every time you do something you have to keep 10 other things in your mind. But after that we played CS. And DOTA. Woot!!! I was going around in kamukazi mode. Finger permanantly pressed on the fire button. Running all over the place. Sadly it only lasted 2 hours. Played dog and bone. Once again our team killed the other team. 20-13. Dinner after that. Then night games. Blind man's chain. we were blind-folded and had to just grab the shoulders of the person in front of you and trust them completely. Got splattered with water. Had to lie flat in the mud. I was filthy after that. Went off to bathe after the activity. Then another fun part of the camp. We watched AEON FLUX. So nice. After the long day went to sleep at 1.
Wednesday: Woke up at 6 again. Extra PT coz we didnt clean the tables propaly. Breakfast. Then MORE DRILLS. Then dismiss. Thankfully. Went back home tired. Had tuition. Was so tired and grumpy coz i was sleeping. My teacher was kinda freaked coz it was the first time she saw me so tired and sleepy. Then was prophetic-evangilistic night. Good. God once more confirmed what i was to become and some things i had to do. After that went to adam hawker and had a good meal. Slept at 2am.
Today: Woke up at 9.30. I was supposed to meet some people in church at 10.15 to go harbourfront. Me, slacking as usual, didnt pack, woke up late and survived. Ended reaching church at 10.30. Took a cab down with my sis and krystle. Met up with grace, delise, sis cheri, inez and ariel and went to breadtalk to buy breakfast. Then went down to the MRT to meet the others. Bro zhi cao first told us to go one direction, then 'corrected' himself and went another direction, then 'corrected' himself again and went off in another direction, and finally everyone realised we were going the way and FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY went the right way. Ate somemore then got on the bus to sentosa. Went down to palawan beach. Played captains ball. The guys basically pwned the girls. Then we went into the water. So fun. We kept dunking people and throwing packed sand onto peoples backs and 'shampooing' them. There was a 'war' between the guys and girls. But i think things might have gotten abit out of hand when some people got sand thrown on their faces. Sand in your mouth is not a nice feeling. Some went off to 7-11 and bought some stuff. Somehow everytime you think you've had enough of the water you end up going in again. Keith and I were doing the flamingo (hahaz). When we finally got out of the water for good, we went to bathe. I realised i had coins in my pocket. They actually turned yellow/gold. Like a dollar coin. Still have it. Im not sure what happened but i dont wanna know. After that went to Plaza Sing to eat. And play in the arcade. Poor Chet lost his wallet. Really pity him.

Ive calculated and ive realised based on the 8 hours of sleep that we should minimally have ive missed 8 hours in total this week. One days worth. Bleahs. No wonder im so tired. I need my sleep. Goodnight.

If it were a diesease, we would be going through an epidemic. I see people depressed. I see people tired. I see people falling ill. And i feel helpless to do anything. Those with more minor problems accept all the help they can get. But those who really need it just turn away. And it becomes worse and worse till they burst. It begins to annoy me how the ones i want to help most turn their heads and walk away.
I'm beginning to believe my body cannot be down for more than 3 hours. Which is why sometimes when im depressed, i hold on to that depression. I feel like theres a need for the depression to even things out. I quote the line from "All That Ive Got" by "The Used": I'll be just fine, pretending im not.
My high-ness is beginning to annoy certain people. And i apologize for that. Like i said, i cant help it sometimes.

Johari windows are flying everywhere. Go mine!!! http://kevan.org/johari?name=penguiKnIGHT . Woot!!! My blind spot list scares me =). I realised how depressing i must sound when im blogging so ill be happy for a change.
Slept only 4 hours. A record!!! Woot!!!
:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P
im so high
no idea why
aha! i rhymed!
oh dear, look at the time
so busy this day
Coz i spend no time on work, all on play

Headaches, foot pains, sore throat? No obstacles to me being high.

Yupps, its saturday again. Church!!! Woot!!! Rawking!!!
Really felt God touching me. Long time since i felt that love from God. Felt really good.
Macs was fun. But people went on the phototaking thingy again. Well, i kinda suggested it so its partially my fault. To all people in the incident: Sorry. Stupid.
I just realised i accidentally scratched my laptop. Less than a week and i scractched it. Stupid stupid stupid...
Once again sitting at the table feeling bored.


White and black. The angel in my darkness. The power to light it up with a single smile.
First time I saw you today nearly stopped in my tracks for about two seconds. Completely missed something. Had to backtrack to grab it...

well, i think i have certified proof its the end days. These few days, people from my class are getting sick. It seems random, but i have realised only the christians seem to be getting sick. REalise people that we live in the end times. We might not even make it to the next year. But remain strong in faith. We are being tested. Never forget God. He won't forget you.