This whole week has been mostly consisting of over smsing, slacking, apathy, more slacking and sleeping.
My body clock now functions on a simple cycle
Sleep late its so weird
wake up my place becomes
survive school someone elses
come home becoming
take a "nap" anytime between 4 to 9
eat dinner almost the same
do some hw yours becomes
watch tv mine
repeat vicious cycle
of heartache and pain
Saturday again when you begin to miss someone like never before
I would cheer thats when you know you can't lie to yourself anymore
but im too tired
as you can realise, my posts now come in fragments
not actual sentences
bite-sized
whoopee

Church
L cell
suprised krystle
birthday celebration
whoots

service
usual slightly insane jumping
but it was fun
felt like too much coffee
saboed
again
benedict arhhs...
and david too
balloon
*pop*

Fuel
4 SBs
and 2 didnt come
hard to get them to pay some attention
its my duty
I relish
every week
my FUEL notes
always end up
getting violated
by Inez, Vera and occasionally Ariel
this weeks notes
had my name scrawled on it
and a stickman
using the "o" of "gideon"
as a head
artists names below

dinner
celebrated younger sister's birthday
at pizza hut
jalan jelita
pizza
tasty
mmm...
full-ness

com
usual
here I am again
the vicious cycle continues...

reading my school friends blogs
and han jie is right
I am half dead
does that make me undead?
meh...

I have come to realise sooner or later my friends are gonna find my blog so I shall speed up the inevitable. Just dont wide-eye my tagboard...

nafpha. Its just another way to put each other down. All too familiar.
Don't feel like blogging much... lost that zest you get when you first get a blog...
I've had just enough of the pain and regret

I managed to place titles. Still abit screwed but I'll leave it.
And this is my 70th post
kinda squeezed it in.
70 posts
alot
kinda
so much has happened
or so little
depends on your POV
point of view
bye
ciao
getting over you...

It has occurred to me that my new blogskin doesnt show post titles so im gonna think of something....
Was trying to post on monday but blogger server was down or something.
I've decided to get over whatever sadness I have and be happy. Yea. Stop looking at me like im lying.
if you're wondering about my msn nick, it happened over an imagery scene in my mind. It goes something like this.
*holds up can of coke* Ah, coke. Sweet and with caffiene.
*holds up teabag* Ah, tea. Less sweet, but more caffiene.
*holds up coffee* Ah, coffee. Tis the almighty wake up juice.
hmmm
*pours all into one cup*
mmmmmm....

School has been the usual. Slacking off at home. Rushing to do work during recess. getting grilled. A cycle i am used to.
Had chinese ting xie on tuesday. Didn't even know. Started studying 4 minutes before it. Got 83 1/2. Which shows im either very tyco or i pay some amount of attention during class... O.o nah.

Scene in Life Science lab last wednesday
Gram Staining step 2: heat fixing
*heat fixing - after getting a bacteria sample onto a glass slide, we heat fix it by passing it in and out of a bunsen burner several times. We use wooden pegs to hold the glass slide
Me: uh, JP(jonathan paul chong, my lab partner)
JP: yea?
Me: um...
JP:yea?
Me: the wooden peg is on fire
JP: really?
Me: Yea, look at it from here
JP: oh yea, cool
...
...
...
Me: You know we probably should blow that out or something...
JP: good idea...

Nothing much to blog about...
oh, and check out my quote section.

yes indeed, one cannot exist without the other. Its like the law of averages. So if you see me down, I'll be high soon. i.e. now.
Highness brings randomness. They are one in the force. like jedi. SWIPE SWISH. and their cool lightsabers.
why is it females wonder why guys love star wars. Its just something inside that clicks with the large-scale warfare, the utter destruction and, of course, the lightsaber. Every guy that has watched star wars has once wished of a lightsaber. I mean, the only thing it can't cut through is something other than a lightsaber. And of course the colour scheme. Red, blue, green, purple, orange, any colour delivers equal doom and destruction.
Wondering why I'm spouting star wars stuffies? Coz I re-watched it. All the action, drama blah blah blah. Just cool. No other words to describe it.

Penitent
pen·i·tent(adj.)
Feeling or expressing remorse for one's misdeeds or sins.

Thats exactly what I am. People coming up to me and asking whether I'm ok. Do I look okay to you?
There I go again.
Cynical comments can't stop pouring out of my mouth
all the times I controlled
stopped myself from hurting someone close
lost in time
hurting any and everyone
"has the isolation begun?"
you tell me
giving up
Ich möchte alles vergessen, das geschah
Je veux oublier tout

I've changed my blogskin while I work on one. No it is not original, ripped off.
Enjoy.

This might be a long post so prepare yourself

Haven't posted in a while. Mostly cause every time I get home I either have work to do or my sisters are on it or both. Which leads me to my topic of sisters. Incredibly annoying yes they are.

But I thank God cause that has trained up my patience with others. I usually agree and go with them. Occassionally arguing when I'm either too tired or I don't see the point. But its been happening more and more often. I guess that rebellious spirit in me is showing. Even they have been starting to realise it.

I love my bathroom. Because every time I step in there I can have some time alone. And yes God has spoken to me in the toilet before. Its a reality. As weird as it may sound, its a reality.

God spoke to me and asked me "son, what are you doing to your life." I couldn't reply. I still can't. Maybe theres a side of me that actually enjoys screwing my life in the ground and watching me hurt everyone around me.

Met an old friend today. On the way home. He hardly recognised me. To quote him :"I didn't recognise you not because you look different, your facial features are still the same, but because you've lost that familiar happy twinkle in your eye." I'm not sure how true that is but it is a comment some people have made. I guess, after I while, I realise theres nothing really god to smile and laugh about.

Did 2.4km. Super sucky. I was completely unprepared cause I didn't even know I would be running on that day. I effectively said "ah heck it" and slacked off the first 1.4 km. On my last km I sprinted and got my worse time EVER on 2.4. A uber sucky 14 minutes. Blehs. I haven't lost the strength to run, just the will.

Breaking my promise right now. I know I was supposed to sleep by 1 but I can't sleep. Insomniac remember. AND and and and I slept for 4 hours from 8 to 12 just, well, just because. So if it doesn't count and I haven't broken the promise, good. If I have, then sorry.

Still deciding if I should go for MG dance night. Someone help me decide. I've just been looking forward to sat all week and now its here I dunno what to do with it.

I'm either very blind or very dumb. Can't seem to find the [x] on vera's blog. me blur blur.

Its so weird now. Cause I was in that position. Wondering why you did what you did. Now I'm in your place. And someone else is in mine. And I understand. For the first time I truly understand. And so, I can finally, truly, let go and let live.

As much as I try, I can't deny the truth.

Even if it hurts.

Oikos. Reaching out. Calling out. No reply. Blocking on msn. Why?

Do I honestly seem that happy to everyone?

Well, I did end up going for all 4 services. What can I say? I'm just plain weird.
Woke up on friday at 11am after sleeping at 7am. Most people pointed out 2 obviously wrong things about my sleep. Namly a) I shouldn't be sleeping at 7 am, b) I shouldn't only sleep 4 hours. The only thing I can reply is:" so sue me." Proceeded to the computer (I remember my mum once making a comment about me spending too much time looking at 2 screens and how now there were 4. TV, com, tablet and hp. What can I say? I'm a tech guy. So sue me. Then proceeded to have a very very WEIRD convo with grace and ben. Then popped off to church for Doctor's Journal. Only I came late. Which was stupid. Went all the way upstairs to find it too full and loitered around desperately trying to find a seat. Then gave up and went downstairs to chapel only to find it was incredibly crowded. In the end I ended up sitting right at the front with David, Gab (small), julian, HK, and some people they invited. After it ended went to macs for dinner. Which was seaweed shaker fries. I think I'm getting obsessed with them. Taste too good. Salty... mmmmm..... Oh yea, if you know me well or seen me eating in school, you would know I put WWWAAAYYY too much sauce on my rice. I often show people my "stranded island" and follow up with the comment" I have evidence to believe I'm gonna die of high cholesterol." Which would be true. Unless rapture happens first. Getting back to the subject, I ate and went back to church. Using my uber-cheapskate methods, I managed to secure a place in the queue without actually queuing. Actually, I just followed gab(small). Went up to 4M. Although I had found FRONT ROW SEATS. But Benedict demands that we sit at 4M... dupid fellow. And because of Grace's weird fear of sitting at the side of the row I offered to. So it ended up something like me and ben on either side of Grace. Of course, we all had watched it before so we ended up chatting through most of it and also going down to get a drink. And Grace has an unhealthy obsession over my instant-noodle-smelling jacket. After the service, me, ben and grace went down to meeting place to talk about STUFF. Gab was trying to get a picture of us. Him being naturally annoying and all. Of course we're too smart for him. But then again so is almost everyone so its no great priviledge.
This morning, woke up at 10. Slept at 5. Call me weird. Used the laptop. Listened to Grace rant about having to baby-sit some guys. Namly Gab(small), Kevin, Moses(not Mo) and David. Went down to church. Met up with Grace, Javian, Joelle and Xue Er. My oikos was supposed to come but he dissapeared... so sad. Then Ze Jun had to come late. Convinced christopher to let Ze Jun have his seat. And I finally spotted Benn in the choir. And I saw Krystle and Michel. Sitting in front makes a difference. Me and Grace and Chris all saw the show before so we were talking throughout most of it. And imitating what everyone says. And annoying Theodore who was in front. Then located Inez to eat dinner. Only she had already ate. And I didn't have time to go down to macs to buy seaweed shaker fries(what can I say???) So I wanted to call Sis Li Min only to realise I didn't have her number. The copied it from Vera's phone, called, and realise I did have her number. I'm so blur without coffee. But I think Sis Li Min is more blur coz she didn't buy the fries. So I went without eating anything. Serving was a fun experience. Me, Keith and Bro Zhi Hao were assigned to block C but it had too many people so he moved us to block D. We prayed during the healing part and God used us as a vessel to heal this woman who had a severe case of stiff neck. So praise the Lord!!!
Just watched Pay It Forward. Very good movie.
calling all angels, calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels, calling all angels
We're trying and we're hoping
but we're not sure how...

Its 6:32 and the sun's starting to shine. I feel sleep getting to me... I wish to blog before i sleep... nights...

I'm still awake. Haven't slept yet. (duh)
Haven't bothered changing blogskin
still trying to keep to the penguin theme so im gonna have to make my own
Thinking...
Dangerous thing to do for me...
randomness
let it flow
cows are art
what is art?
a cart with no sea
If I have a bee in my hand, whats in my eye?
Beauty!
Why?
Cause beauty is in the eye of the BEE-HOLDER
GEDDIT???!!!
Arghs, too much coffee.
Went down to 7-11 to buy
6 cans...
bye.

I never really realised but i am incredibly accident prone. In less than 24 hours, I've gotten a bruise on my forehead, twisted my left elbow, bruised my right elbow, hurt my right hip, injured my left knee and cut my right knee. I achieved them in 3 different accidents.
1st accident: Coming out of classroom for recess, over-excited-too-much-coffee-high-on-sugar kind of people rushing out of class pushing and shoving, me trips over someone's foot and rams head into wall, cuts right knee.
2nd accident: Crossing overhead bridge, notice bus coming, runs for bus, leaps onto steps, misses the first step, slips and falls. Bruises right elbow, whacks right side of hip and step is pushed at exact area between kneecap and bone. Causes me to limp to school with what feels like the mother of all headaches.
3rd accident: Limping into class, suddenly feels dizzy, slips, whacks head again and twists left elbow. Very complicated.
High chance im going for all the Doctor's Journal services.
Sisters annoying me with constant requests to use the com exactly as I switch it on.
Coffee not keeping me awake.
Blogging at 4:07am.
Insomniac.
Caffeine addicted
Probably not even going to sleep until about 7
When the sun begins to shine
Sleep? never heard of it
Neither have i heard of logic
qui insulte le nom du café sera heurté par la foudre! Grêle au latte, mon ami!
He who insults coffee will be struck down by lightning! hail latte, friend
Don't ask
letting whatever pours out of my mind go into my blog
Sufficient reason to believe I'll die of high cholesterol
Enough evidence to prove im insane.
Seriously considering changing blogskins
Heck, I've got the time now.
New blogskin, here I come.
Bye.

I've realised recently I've been waking myself up at insane hours for the sake of blogging. No idea why.
My mum finally got round to buying a new printer. So yay I can print again.
L-cell yesterday was fun. I woke up at 1:15 and it starts at 1:30 so I scrambled down and arrived a mere 10 minutes late. Not bad for a slacker. The actual cell was fun. At the end sister cherie gave out cake and lollipops (lollipop lollipop, lolly lolly lolly lollipop). Ain't she nice.
Service was fun. I loved the song amazing. Cause our God is an amazing God. Still trying to find it on the net though.
FUEL was, well, just plain weird. With the newspaper and all. The gel was fun. Grabbing large wads of newspaper in my hands and sticking them onto bro kah fei. He was like a fallen statue.
Writhing around on the floor. But the later parts were more annoying with Ze Jun shoving newspaper down my shirt and keith tickling my ear with tiny rolled up pieces of newspaper. After a while I didn't care anymore and had a mound of newspaper down my back. It was at the point I was removing the newspaper from my shirt when I was suddenly reminded of the cake in my bag. The cake became a squashed version. It's height was effectively cut into half. Remind me never to keep cake in my bag again.
Macs was irritating. Ze Jun has this habit of shooting ice at anything. And, of all places, I was sitting opposite him. I felt like Neo dodging ice matrix style. After a while I got rather pissed and.. well... I don't think ZJ wants to do it again.
Today went for easter saturation. Giving out the Doctors Journal flyers was a success and a failure. We gave out a total of 300+ flyers so thats a success. But its also a failure cause we can't count how many people will actually come. There was this one guy that majorly pissed me off by taking the flyer after I explained it to him, walking to the dustbin next to me, and shoving the flyer inside. I was tempted to stab him with the nearest possible item but I didn't.
My face hurts from plastering the fake smile on my face.
My SB Esli is officially hopeless at this stuff. I gave out two-thirds of my stack and he gave out 3. Yes, thats right, 3. Ended up taking half from him. Then doing it again. And again. But, for his first time, I would say he did pretty good.
My mum was lecturing me in the car on the way home. I only had 3 hours of sleep and the adrenaline was wearing off so my mind was numb. I only said the words 'okay' throughout the entire conversation.
And now, my bed awaits and so does sleep.
Anger surrounds, enfolds, embraces. It fuels and depletes, energizes and takes away. Right now, I'm willing to take my chances...

Recently, I've been feeling so away from God. Even when I'm trying I can't seem to reach him. Standing at the altars, I still don't feel him. There's a certain peace, a certain rest that comes when we meet him, when we're in his prescence. But I can't feel that anymore. And I need that. Advice from friends can help but brings no resolve. I need to feel his touch once more. Watering the cracked ground...
Today was busy. Started out with PE. I ran a sucky 2.4. One of my lousier times. 13:25. I'm irritated cause I know I didn't push myself. Bleahs.
Then went on to lessons as usual. Which never is. Cause my class has been described as 'better than cable.' With us, its like a whole list of 'shows' to watch. Everything from comedy to drama.
Spin-a-yarn competition. Stupid story-telling competition. My class representative didn't even make it past the preliminaries. And honestly, I don't think anyone did very well for that.
NPCC(sea). There are these 2 guys who are major slackers. And I mean major. They only started coming regularly. They don't know the drills well, they therfore can't execute them well, and our squad ends up being punished. Because of them. And they keep insisting they know the drills. Its completely unfair to us.
MGS. Long story how I ended going there. I can't bother explaining so it has something to do with dance night rehearsals, my classmates church friend and alot of waiting.
Esplanade. Went there for a arts appreciation concerto. I found myself suprisingly enjoying the show. Although I did accidentally fall asleep during the second movement of the second piece. The rather daft members of my school didn't quite realise you're supposed to appluad in between pieces and not movements. And that, at the end of the concerto, when you stop the clapping, the conductor will leave. If you continue, he will just keep bowing. Moronic members of my school continue to clap thinking its the other way round.
And that leads me here. Sitting in front of my tablet blogging. I wanted to write another entry of 'the diary of a traveling headache' but I'm too lazy now. I deserve my rest. Ciao.

I've got some randomness i need to release so bear with the next paragraph then i can get on to serious blogging.
Cows. Marshmellows. they are two different things but can be combined into a baaaaaaaaaaaaanana split. It has the same nutritional value as a pencil in your ear. It hurts when it hits your brain but it doesn't happen to me cause I don't have one. Alot of people think randomness automatically equals humour. That making no sense is a sure way of being funny. These individuals think that just because they create a sentient piece of toast with a purple umbrella and name it tire iron, that they are comedians. They are mistaken. *shoves tire iron into oven* There is alot that goes into the making of funny. There is no specific formula. *switches oven on* Is it a gift from the heavens? a perfect synapses in the brain that creates comedy? *mmmmmmmmmmm BOOM* *opens oven* Mmm...grape jam. The lifeblood of funny. Got jam? We be jammin now. Uncle jam wants YOU. BEHOLD, the anatomy of a bad pun.
Ooook, now that thats over we can get down to some blogging. I had an X-ray today. Of my teeth. I've been bombarded with radiation. The film looks cool. Radiation is fun. Erms, my randomness isn't going away... Dang. Blog some other time, when randomness isn't as rampant as cows are in the desert.

penguiKnIGHT, eating grape jam.

So I find myself in a place of familiarity, sitting in front of the computer and spacing out. When suddenly, randomness hits me with a title: The diary of a traveling headache. It might have something to do with the one i was experiencing at the moment cause it didn't stay still, it kept moving about in my head giving me pain from different parts. I have decided to try writing a small journal entry from 'the diary of a traveling headache.'

--


31st March 2006
Today i explored the part of Gideon's brain involving his randomness. I will never go there again. Anything can happen there and that freaks me out. I saw cows walking backwards and speaking portuguese to a duck floating above the ground upside down. The duck was replying in teochew. And then there were the clowns. Now, i have never told anyone this so diary, you must not tell anyone. I have an irrational fear of clowns. The way the eyes buldge, the way the face is all white, every little thing about them scares me. I ran in, planted the headache inducer and ran out as fast as i could. With clowns holding umbrellas shaped like monkeys over their heads chasing me. *shudder* Never again... never again.

1st April 2006
Today, being April fools, I decided to visit Gideon's memories, specifically on pranks he's pulled. What I found was a vast vault of everything from whoopee cushions to retarded nose pinching. I'm glad I never have to meet him face to face on April fools or i would surely be struck with fear. But I've realised this year, he decided to be more mature and not pull any serious pranks. He mostly went around doing the retarded nose tapping thing. Maybe someday he might grow up. Nah, who am I kidding?

2nd April 2006
Today was a sad, sad day for Gideon. I woke up and found a message on my handphone telling me I was suggested not to disturb him today. According to the penguKinG (long live), Gideon had recieved a massive blow to his heart. Showing empathy that was rare, I decided to slack off today. Maybe the boy's slack-ness has begun to spread to me. But, upon finding out what exactly it was that hurt him, I felt pity for the kid. He was too young. He was too stupid. Poor guy. Well, I'm off to my relaxing day in front of my X-box so bye.

--

There, letting randomness out isn't that bad. Let it flow out of your fingers...
he always knew the truth, just didn't want to believe it...