Dear God,

It's Your son gideon here again.

I really should be asleep by now, but You know me. I get so caught up in myself that I don't let You have Your way. I think it's really funky how you make stress a weird emotion? Like, it's not really an emotion that I can sense suddenly or be very clear about it. Why'd You make it like that anyway? I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm here because... because I'm terribly afraid. Somewhere inside gideon sees this... all this. His expectation of the kind of person he has to be to do Your work, the kind of stuff he's going to have to do. And he's terribly afraid. Because he knows he's not enough. Because he knows his pitfalls, his weaknesses, his inadequacies. His tremendous inadequacies.

But. You are. God I know You are enough. I'm inadequate. Tired. So very very tired. Oh but God, every morning you fill me with enough to face the day, and every day I find myself drained again. And I know that you've toughened me, brought me through fires to mold me and give me strength. So that I'm strong enough to withstand being filled and emptied. But it doesn't seem to me that way. I still feel weak. I still feel that at any moment, I can snap under the pressure and break all over again. I need you desperately. Desperately.

I need You. Because You're more than the sum of all I can possibly be. Because You are You and I need You. I need You.

I need You. I can't do this on my own. I need You.



And You are, more than enough for me.





Will be back in one week. Take care everybody!