(and back to your regular programming)

I hate getting photographed while I'm worshiping. As in, really. I never look good. I cannot. Because I'm an AC boy, I try to pose for photos (even when I'm not posing). And I enjoy worshiping with abandonment. With that "I honestly don't care about what whoever's gonna think, this is for God and God alone" attitude. At least, that's for the praise bits, and being photographed when you're jumping and your shirt flies up is NOT COOL.
But that's for fast songs I guess. Slow songs is worse. So very very much worse. Because slow songs, especially when it's an amazing move of God, half the time I'm on my knees crying/bawling my eyes out. And that's not glamorous friends. I remember a close friend of mine once commenting that she can't cry glamorously, and that she looks super unglam while crying. And another friend who hates crying because apparently her tear ducts hurt. Crying is not glamorous! Being broken before God is NOT GLAMOROUS. It's impossible. And when we're broken we look terrible to the world. And we feel, in a sense, pretty terrible.
But I'm a firm believer that there needs to be brokenness before breakthrough. Maybe not some TREMENDOUS crying thing, but some sense of being broken. Because, come on, breakthroughs require something to break, to be broken. Brokenness is that point of total vulnerability, total surrender, total humility. And when I was seeking God a few nights ago and the phrase 'Beauty in the brokenness' came to me. Because for all the terrible we look, to God, it's beautiful. It's surrender to Him, it's being vulnerable before Him, and it's beautiful.

Don't care what the cameras take, I choose to worship. Like King David when The Ark returned to Jerusalem. Taken from The Message translation, "Oh yes, I'll dance to God's glory—more recklessly even than this. And as far as I'm concerned...I'll gladly look like a fool." Because that's worship the way God likes it :) when it's truly just about Him and you, not about the eyes of the world.

A few more notes to go, going to try and finish them by tonight, then tomorrow afternoon I'll reveal the PURPOSE behind it all.