I'm feeling in a certain way that I'm sure many of you do too. This real and genuine sense of tiredness, due to extenuating circumstances in terms of work, often feeling so tired when spending time with God that it doesn't seem fair to Him. Pushing and pushing and trying to find my way into His courts but I just don't feel it. Wondering where His voice is, having to treasure every word because He just seems so far.

Don't lie friends, service this weekend and I saw it in many eyes.

And today I had a revelation about that. Ready?

God is Sovereign, Loving God.

I know it don't seem like an amazing revelation. It doesn't give answers, nor solutions, no step-by-step guide for dealing with it, just pretty much stating something that seems, well, pretty obvious. It's the two most important characteristics of who He is. Loving and Sovereign.

He's not blind friends. He's not deaf either. His heart is never, never numb. It's easy for us to grow numb with all that we go through, but His heart is never numb. Never.

The Sovereign Loving God knows my limits. He knows the limits of my faith, not as I see them, but as they truly are. He knows the limits of my patience as they truly are. He knows my strengths, my weaknesses, how much I can take.

He knows how much silence I can take.

He is silent right now. I secretly suspect that many people out there know exactly what I mean. When I'm crying out to Him, desperate to hear His voice, but there is silence. Just. Silence.

I think it hurts His heart to keep silent. If what I know of Him is true, then I think He dislikes keeping silent when we cry out. When He hears our desperate cries, I think He hates to keep silent. But He knows when to keep silent, when we need that silence to build something in ourselves that will be of far greater worth in Eternity. Because He's the Sovereign, Loving God.

So if you feel as I do, it's important for you to know two things:

1. you're not the only one. As long as this blog remains here (which I think should be a while), there will be this digital record that at very least, I, Gideon Goh, has felt the way that you're feeling. The path you're walking is one that others have before, and it's a path many many others have finished walking too. The silent path doesn't go on forever, it's just a small section of this race.

2. God is still the Loving, Sovereign God. He still holds the world in His hands. He's still as powerful as that time He moved in your life. He's still as loving as that time where you felt that love. He's still as wonderful as that time He put a smile on your face. Your Loving, Sovereign God is the same even if your perception of Him changes.

God is still Sovereign. God is still Loving. God is still your God.

And we're all learning to hold on to that. :)



(the tag thing is still going on btw. I know it might take me a while to respond, but please, add more :D )